I think Olivia is just wanting to wait for her sister. The girls will be 8 weeks old Thursday (which is 37 weeks gestation). Olivia is so close to coming home but just isn't real interested. All she has to do is drink 8 bottles in 24 hours and she would rather sleep. On Sunday she took 5 full bottles. The past two days she has not done as well. She will come in her own time and that is obviously not now.
Emma is staying the same. I know I should be grateful that the girls are not getting worse but I'm wanting them to take steps forward. I want them home. I know it will not be as easy as having them in the NICU together but I'm willing to give up easy to have them home and get to know them. I guess I'm just frustrated today. I'm frustrated that I have to gown, glove and mask to be with Emma. I just want to touch her hand without a rubber glove. I want to touch her head. Wearing all that stuff makes you really hot too. I want to hold Olivia at home on our couch where we can both be comfortable. I want to put her own clothes on her. She had an outfit on today that just made her look so drained and pale. That sounds petty but you should have seen it. I want Emma to be off the ventilator. I can't imagine having that thing in my throat all the time. I know I need to be patient but I'm having a hard time with that today. I'm ready to feel like their mom - holding them and kissing them. I still haven't held Emma. Maybe tomorrow she'll be well enough. I can't believe they're almost 8 weeks. I feel like each day they are there, I'm missing a part of their childhood. Someday I'll have them home and will be able to give them their first bath with me and see them smile at me. I'm sure tomorrow I'll feel better. Today I'm just frustrated.
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4 comments:
I hear the pain in your words. I'm praying for you and your girls always!!!!
Hey there! I forgot my password using the StlHvnSnt name on here so I had to create another one. Duh! Anyway, I hate hearing that you are frustrated but it's all understandable. I can't imagine how excited and anxious you are to have your girls both at home and your family finally all together. It will happen!! All along those two fighters have shown that they will do things in their own time like you have said and this is just another example that proves just that! =) You could be right in that maybe they are waiting on each other. I hope that today is a better day for you! I loved the new pics! Tight hugs to you girlfriend!
Love and Prayers,
Angela E.
Your frustration is normal and expressing it is healthy! It must be great to have this website to pour out your feelings into to share with everyone at one time instead of repeating everything a thousand times! Just know that no one expects you to be strong ALL the time! You are amazing!!
Thank you so much for your honesty on your blog! It is healthy to let it all out, and it helps everyone else know how we can pray for you. Thanks for posting the pics, too!
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