Teaching me patience...

I do believe that most of the things we go through in life are to teach us something. It just takes me awhile to figure it out. :) Isn't that how God probably is with us? So patient while we continue to make the same mistakes over and over. Or the fact that it takes a while to grow and learn and yet He is so patient. I had to come to realize again that God is in control and He knows Emma's path and what is going to happen daily. He says in scripture to "Be still and know that I am God". Yes, the "Be still" is hard for me. Always has been. If there is one thing my husband would tell you that I need to work on, it's patience. When I get impatient, my fears take over. The fear of losing Emma...feeling like we are going backwards...the fear of never moving forwards again.
With her bad blood gas, the fears started coming back. Most of all, the fear that her lungs were giving out. As I went in the hospital that night, I just put my hands on her and prayed for every part especially her kidneys, lungs, brain and eyes. I asked God to heal them all. That is all I can do - pray.
The next morning her blood gas was excellent. All her tests came back fine - no infection - and her x-ray showed improvement. The nurse said it must have just been a fluke or caught her at a bad time. Hey, whatever it is, I'll take. Or maybe it was the constant reminder of God that says, "Hey! I'm still in control here". Back off! O.k. so maybe He didn't tell me to back off but maybe just to butt out! Just kidding. Mom, don't fall off your chair. I just wrote "butt". : )
Anyway, an update is what you are all probably waiting for. Emma is doing fine. They finished up a 24 hour urine test today. They had to do it twice because they are having trouble keeping it in the bag. She keeps soaking her clothes, etc. So they were told just to do the best they could.
The feeding therapist came down yesterday morning and fed her, trying a different nipple that she cut. She took 30 out of 38 so it looks like it is working. However, Emma has been breathing too fast to eat. So they have tubed her since. The nurse said this is not a setback - her lungs are not getting worse - it's just a turn in the road. She said this process is very hard and we just need to give her a lot of patience. There is that patience word again. So please keep her breathing in your prayers along with her kidneys, brain and eyes. I have yet to hear the results of her eye exam yesterday. Hopefully today I will hear the results. Pray that the ridges will go away and the blood vessels will still completely form and mature. Pray that the grade 2 blood on her brain will keep resolving and that God will repair the damage that has been done. Please pray that her calcium levels will come back fine and that the calcium in her kidneys will disappear and that they will say her kidneys are fine and they can't explain it. I love it when that happens. Just like when Emma lived through the surgery and they couldn't explain it. Or when her heart healed within 3 days of the surgery and they couldn't explain it. That is what I'm asking for.
Here is some wonderful news - Olivia had her eye appointment yesterday and her blood vessels have completely formed and are "Mature". Yea! That is great news!!! We will go back in 6 months for them to recheck her. She is doing really well. I'm very anxious to see how much she weighs on Friday. I hope she is on track.
Alyssa had an awesome time at tumbling last night. Her sweet friend Ellie was there and that made it great! It's good for her to get out and to be involved in something. Life has revolved around the girls so much lately that it's good for her to have some "me" time.
Loren has a runny nose. I'm keeping the girls apart as much as possible and using the sanitizer between handling the girls so we'll see.
Well, Alyssa is needing my attention so I'm going to go.
Thanks for the patience that you all have given me through my ups and downs. Thanks for being there for me. I appreciate the emails and phone calls. And Betty - thanks for watching the girls for me yesterday!!
Love you all!
Bethany