Feels like forever....

I'm starting to feel like this is going to forever be like this - like it is never going to end. This roller coaster just won't stop and let us off. There is not a lot of change right now which makes everything seem so much slower. One of my favorite nurses today asked how I was doing. All I could think of to describe how I feel is that I feel like a robot. My emotions are drained and I'm just going through the motions. I've gotten so tired of trying to control this ride, that now I'm in the back seat just riding not saying a word - mostly because I'm just too tired. I feel like saying "Is it too much to ask for my girls to be together? For all of us to be home and be a family again?"
Emma is doing o.k. She is at 3 liters at around 34% oxygen. Definitely pretty good but I don't know what is going to make her good enough to tolerate 2 liters. They are going to try it again tomorrow. My expectations are not high - mostly because I don't see how she is any different than when they tried it before. She is very adorable. I held her today and rubbed her head. She liked it for a little bit and then she was done. She lets you know when she is satting 95-100 and then starts dipping down in the 70's and 80's. You know then that she is ready to get back in her crib. As soon as I put her back, she was right back up in the high 90's. She is still just working to breathe. They say that time is the only thing that will help now - time to grow and heal those little lungs. We'll see. Maybe she'll surprise me.
Olivia is doing well. I don't think she is gaining weight like they want her to. We have a weight check on Friday so we'll see what they say. Her reflux is not so bad if we sit her up and don't move her around too much. She is sleeping well. I'm thankful for the monitor. That allows me to sleep better - it's one less thing I have to worry about.
I need to go feed her right now so I'll write more later.
Good night