Update..

Hello. I know it has been too long. I'm sure everyone is wondering how things are going. Maybe not...I'm not trying to say you don't have a life or anything. Just because I don't have a life....hee hee. Besides the lack of sleep and the craziness, things are o.k. Believe it or not, just because we are home doesn't mean the roller coaster has stopped. It is still up and down. Olivia has finally taken off. She is chunking up at a whopping 8 lb. 12 1/2 oz. She is really growing well. She has had a few sniffles but nothing big. Thank goodness. She just had her 4 month check up and seems to be doing great! They increased her caffiene and lowered her limits on her apnea machine. She barely has any alarms and I'm feeling more and more secure with her state every day (although I'm not ready to give up the machine). I haven't been asked to...I think they usually keep it for around 6 months, give or take.
Emma is doing o.k. in some areas, not so great in others. She had her eye appointment and they are still stage 2 and the blood vessels have not completely formed yet. They will check them again in two weeks. They are not super concerned yet but if they haven't matured in a couple more visits, we will have to talk about next steps. Emma had a check up today. I thought she had an ear infection. He said he thought it was like swimmer's ear for a baby. So we started ear drops. He was also concerned with her hips. Like they weren't as flexible as they are supposed to be so he ordered a hip sonogram. What's one more sono? He also had labs done to check her blood - for everything - calcium, platlettes, electrolites, etc. We will probably get the results back tomorrow. Her weight gain was not great. We are going back to a feeding schedule to make sure she is getting all she is supposed to. If she hasn't gained enough next week, they will increase her calories. We went to the hospital today for her ear screen with audiology. She had passed in the hospital on the left but not the right. Thank the Lord she passed today. We'll take any good news and that just takes one more thing off the list of stress and worries. I'll take whatever I can get.
How are we doing? O.k. I guess. We have our ups and downs. The lack of sleep does not help. My mom was here and was a big help, especially during the nights so that Mike could sleep and be half way normal at work. She left today for home. My brother is flying in to go to a conference and visit so that is good that she is there. I know I have to take the reigns and lead this life. I guess I just feel right now that twins is one thing. I really think I could handle that. "Sick, Premature" twins is another thing. We have 4-6 appointments a week. It is just going to be crazy for awhile. This week is one of our slower weeks. Today Emma and Olivia had a pediatrician appointment, followed by Emma having her audiology appointment in the hospital, followed by labs in the hospital. Thursday we have a nurse coming to the home for our home visit. Friday we have early intervention appointment for the girls. Next week Emma has a weight check. She has a head sono on Tuesday along with me getting Loren, Emma and Olivia their shots. We have a home visit with the nurse. I think we also have 2 more appointments but I haven't looked at the calender to see what they are. It's just crazy. I took the twins to the dr. today in our triplet stroller. I had one in the front and one in the back with all the equipment/oxygen in the middle.
To be honest, I'm overwhelmed, stressed, discouraged, frustrated and tired. I hate to write in times like these because it's such a downer. I LOVE having my daughters home. I just want them to be o.k. I feel so much pressure for them to thrive. The weight feels heavy on my shoulders. Part of that is just being a mom and part of it is having children with medical issues. I guess I wasn't really looking at having Emma home as taking over all the appointments and sonos. That was the easy part of her being in the NICU. They all came to her. All I really knew were the results. Sometimes I didn't even know a test was being done. Don't get me wrong. I'll take all the appointments I need to just to have her home. I just want her to thrive and gain weight and take off like Olivia. It did take her some time though. I'm sure part of it is just adjusting. We'll see...
It is getting colder so I'm more paranoid with the girls getting sick. I feel like every kid I look at is full of germs, even my older two. It's nothing personal for all you that have children. I look at every door knob like it has little germ bugs on it. My knuckles are bleeding again from washing my hands too much.
So that is enough. I'm going to stop. This head of mine could keep going and going. But I have to go feed my girls again.
What I miss probably the most is interaction. I miss going to church so much. I miss being involved with worship - playing and singing. I miss seeing all these lovely faces - people I've been close to and have helped us through this. I miss my mommy and me group. And yet I miss being myself most of all. I feel like someone not so positive has overtaken my body and attitude and I can't shake it.
And now I've pooped on all of you. This is why I don't want to write when I feel this way. Well I'm being honest and maybe this will let you know how to pray.
This too shall pass.
Please keep praying for Emma. She has been through so much and I'm ready for some of her issues to resolve. Much love to you all! I'll send pictures soon.
Bethany