It is 10:44 a.m. Tomorrow is coming. As I sit here I debate on whether to write down my feelings or not. I'm full of emotions and feel very heavy. I'm feeling Olivia move around. I feel or imagine to feel Emma only a little. She's always been my overactive girl. I know the pressure on her heart is slowing her down. I've been struggling to deal with my emotions ever since Friday. There are so many and I really don't feel like talking to people. The dr. didn't give us much hope...in fact, as he left the room he said "I'm sorry". I know God has a plan, I know He has known these babies even before they were conceived, I know He will see us through this - whatever the outcome. But it sure doesn't make it any easier.
In a way, I feel like I'm already going through the grieving process. I have grown attached and have seen our family as complete after we have these girls. So imagining life without them is an unbearable feeling of emptiness. I think back to the man who wrote "It is well...with my soul". I don't remember the exact details, but he had lost his family in some way and had some other stuff happen and he still was able to write that hymn. Amazing.
I'm going to go rest now. Just keep us in your prayers for strength. I know we will be o.k. whatever the outcome. Only God knows what tomorrow brings.
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