Unload..

So I'm just going to unload. I had a biggest loser moment...not that I lost a lot a weight (I wish). But every week everyone cries on the biggest loser. Today as I was running I just felt all these emotions surface. How did I get this way? So I was thinking about why and was just overwhelmed. It's like all this stress has been built up and it all just came tumbling down. I realized that I eat a lot more and worse when I'm stressed about my kids health. Which only leads me into more of a downward spiral. Not getting breaks that fill my tank so that I can give to my children and husband what they need is not helping. So part of what has been stressful lately is I think Emma is losing weight. We ran out of formula and the dr. said it was o.k. to do whole milk. Well, she is not drinking as much and I've tried to mix it and put it in her old bottle but it is not mixing well. So I went out and bought another can of formula and she is taking it. But we can't do formula forever. I just don't know. The H1N1 scare is now keeping us out of the nursery at church and I can't put the in daycare at the gym so I can have some time to myself. Frustrating!!! This whole insurance thing...with OSF not being in our network as of 6 months from now.....we will have to switch all our drs. Alyssa's eye appointment is tomorrow and I know it's going to be worse. Since school has started, she hasn't been able to wear her patch even 1/8 of the time. All this responsibility is so overwhelming. Then I see my cousins with their 8 year old who have had tons of surgeries his whole life. And I think how do these people have the strength to keep going? How can I have the strength to keep going? Some days I think someone else could probably do a better job. And then a lady from my neighborhood just came to my door and asked if we would put our Christmas lights up early and let others know too. Their neighbor's boy is dying from leukemia and only has til Christmas if he can make it that far. So they are seeing if everyone can put up their lights so he can see them every day. So I guess that answers my question. With tears streaming down my face... I would keep stressing every day if it meant that I could have my girls with me one more day.